The Dragonfly, The Horsefly & The Wasps

‍ A quick snap hubby took of me returning to the canvas this week, with a willow full of wasps the other side of the window, and a little inquisitive Sabrina keeping me company! (She’s asked for her identity to be kept anonymous!!)

On Resistance, ‘Procrasta-cleaning’ & Picking Up the Brush

This week, I caught myself ‘procrasta-cleaning’. You know the sort of thing, you have something that you want to be doing, but suddenly there’s a drawer of odds and ends that need sorting into colour, shape and alphabetical order, or simply the dust has started to build a miniature village on your skirting board!

To be fair, I embrace this energy when it comes. I like a clean and tidy home, it helps my mind feel calm (and it did need a damn good clean!) So, the studio space had a once over, before finally, my trusty old easel and I, could get reacquainted.

I’ve been avoiding tidying the ‘wilderness nature reserve’ outside that is currently our garden! Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a huge space, but it is a well-loved, little sanctuary. Only this summer, there has been an ongoing little stand-off between me, the wispy willow and an almighty wasp’s nest!

I have braved running past the unmistakable deep hum hidden beneath the leaves to get to the compost heap, but, they are definitely winning. I’m letting them have full ownership of the space for now, allowing them to carry on doing whatever it is wasps are very busy doing, until the seasons change.

Ironically, this week, whilst watching them from the safety of my window, I was thinking how about how my fear of getting stung, had overridden my need to prune.

So there I was on Tuesday morning, minding my own business driving along to work with the windows down, enjoying the morning air, when suddenly – arrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! The back of my left hand felt like Dracula had just filled his teeth and wasn’t afraid to show me!  I looked down to see a horsefly, enjoying its breakfast at my expense.

Now, I know nature has its arms wide open, and I have my arms open wide to nature, but in this situation, I reserve the right to swat!!! Especially whilst maintaining control of a moving vehicle! (Moral of the story – consider where you drive with your windows all the way down!)

By the time I got home from working all day, my hand was swelling up looking like I was preparing for a round with Tyson!  Then came the frozen peas, the antihistamines and a trip to the pharmacist.

It got me thinking about how I’m not in love with all nature’s flying creatures! I have an affinity with the Dragonfly – as you’ve probably seen by now, there is reason it appears in my world and I’ll share that with you next Sunday!

That’s the thing about having our arms open to nature. It’s easy for me to talk about my love of nature and all things inspiring when I’m talking about dragon-flies. A little harder when a horse-fly decides to have breakfast on the back of my hand while I’m driving to work!

Funny though, nature isn’t always beautiful, peaceful and majestic, sometimes it bites, sometimes it stings! Sometimes it takes over your space. I guess it doesn’t mean that we have to embrace every experience, just respect and acknowledge that it is all part of the same world in which we share!

So, despite my left hand looking like a boxing glove, and the seemingly endless procrasta-cleaning, I’m pleased to say I did finally make it to sit down to the canvas! Yay! A base colour and texture applied, as you can see from the photo above… (Obviously Sabrina, our little black cat, was holding me accountable to stay at the canvas and hold a paintbrush, not a duster!)

Ironically, I’d been listening to Stephen Pressfield’s ‘The War of Art’ this week, and he talks about the idea of ‘Resistance’

What I love about his description is that the more important something is to us, the more Resistance we may feel towards doing it! He says it almost functions like an inner compass, it’s intensity can point towards the work that matters the most!

Which probably explains my procrasta-cleaning habit somewhat…

Instead of picking up the brush first, I've been tidying everything around it! I once heard that knowledge is only wisdom if you use it… (or something along those lines!) meaning, if you learn something useful that can help you, it’s your choice in which to apply it, to make a positive change.

I probably won’t stop procrast-cleaning, (and to be honest, it does need to be done at some point!) but, I will notice when resistance starts pulling me away from actually sitting down to do the work!

That awareness gives us choice. And choice is a powerful thing!

I could clean the studio again, I could organise my photographs, I could find another thing that needs doing...

Or I could simply pick up the brush! I don't need to know exactly where the painting is going, or even if I like it yet… I just need to begin, one mark at a time.

It made me realise that there is another kind of ‘Moment of Noticing’ here too.

Noticing the things that happen inside us, as well as the things happening around us. The wasps are doing what they do, the horsefly, was simply doing what horseflies do. And my procrasta-cleaning? Maybe just doing what resistance does too! None of them are bad, but they’re there to be noticed, so we can make a choice.

I’m careful to notice… how long am I only thinking about what I might make? Am I deciding I need to work out the perfect colour palette first? Or am I apparently, giving the skirting board a particularly thorough dusting instead?!…

Because if Resistance tends to show up around the things that matter, it isn't always pointing us away from something, sometimes it is pointing towards it!

Is there something you've been putting off that keeps quietly finding its way back into your thoughts? (Fear of wasps absolutely justified though!!)

Something you've been organising around, preparing for, researching, or finding perfectly reasonable reasons not to begin?

What if your Resistance isn't telling you to stop, but showing you that this thing matters?

Until next Sunday…

🌿 May you find inspiration in nature this week.

Tracey Anne x