Returning to Trust
A detail from the painting Held in Light, Mixed Media on Canvas
On Patience, painting and finding my way back.
“I can’t do it. It doesn’t look right” my frustrated nine-year-old self said, to my wonderfully patient Nan, as she taught me how to create perspective in a watercolour landscape. My last post showed a picture of that painting. I still recall sitting at the dining room table overlooking the abundant garden, as she gently, but firmly told me, ‘You can do it, you are doing it, have patience’.
She was right. I just needed to trust.
Looking back, I am filled with gratitude at how those early experiences shaped not only the artist in me, but the way I see the world. I have dabbled with art on and off over the years in different ways, like dipping my toe in different waters, waiting until it was just comfortable enough to dive back in.
For years, our spare room became a dusty museum: shelves of art materials, half finished sketchbooks, books waiting patiently to be opened. Every time I walked in, I was reminded of the artist I kept telling myself I would become “one day”. Looking back now, I realise it wasn’t a lack of ability; it was a lack of trust.
Life became busy, and with it, the distance between my art and me grew even further. Having left school to train for four years in art and design, graphics and illustration, my career had taken me on some very different paths. Each time I returned to the page, I would start with enthusiasm, and within a short time the work was abandoned. I had forgotten patience, with myself, the materials, the canvas, I had forgotten to trust.
Returning to nature has taught me to trust. Nature doesn’t rush to the finish line; it has patience in its unfurling. It has innate wisdom that allows it to take the time it takes and become the form it becomes.
One of the most liberating things I have found through my painting process is the freedom of layering. It is more guided by feeling rather than prescriptive forms, letting the textures themselves guide the final piece. Breaking free from my previous tightly formed illustrative style, where every mark on the page mattered, I am now letting nature be the inspiration and the paint be the guide.
Each painting begins with trust, that I can push through those moments of previous abandonment, when I would have morphed back into my nine-year-old self with those ‘I can’t do it’ moments. Now I simply trust that layers and form will become what they become.
Patience and trust then become easier to practice in other areas of life. Where the old perfectionist in me would need to be the expert, stalling any attempts at doing something new, a softer, kinder way of being with myself has developed. One that gently chips away at those old creative blocks and invites the artist in me to grow and play.
Where in your life are you learning to have patience with yourself and trust the process?
Until next Sunday…
🌿 May you find inspiration in nature this week.
Tracey Anne x
