One early morning, I came down to the studio to find the rising sun had perfectly framed my dragonfly painting in its light. A moment of unexpected magic - and a lovely reminder that the light will always find us, when we least expect it!
On Authenticity, Symbolism and ‘The Mystical’
Last week, I promised to share the story behind why the dragonfly shows up in my world.
“There’s something I hadn’t told you“
Said the horse,
“What’s that?” said the boy.
“I can fly, but I stopped because it made the other horses jealous”
The words above are from Charlie Mackesy’s beautiful book, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse.
I was kindly gifted this book by a very special person after some significant hard times during Covid. There were many things in it that resonated with me, but the story of the white horse stayed with me.
School was tough, but my only safe space was in the art room. I loved art at school. Where the popular kids seem to excel at sports day in front of everyone, art (and music) seemed to be the only subject I was naturally any good at! In fact, it was the only class where I felt I could shine a little. Not everyone likes it when you shine, though. Sadly, at my GCSE exhibition, someone had stuck chewing gum onto one of my fine pencil drawings. A whole wall of work, and mine was the only one to be ‘vandalised’.
Maybe it was because it was different. Maybe it was jealousy. I’ll never know. But my 16-year-old self-translated that as: it hurts to be seen for your talents.
At 6ft, I’m not exactly able to shrink into a crowd. My height has always attracted attention when I walk into a room, often for no other reason than people looking to see what size heels I’m wearing! Growing up was tough, when all you wanted to do was shrink and hide.
Looking back, I can see how the conflict between my creativity and feeling safe enough to share my authentic self has been a big part of my story. It has contributed to the pain I’ve carried, and at times, to the depression and anxiety that have dominated my life.
Working in health and social care, my career has been filled with occasions where I’ve written and delivered training on enrichment, facilitated music therapy workshops, and designed and delivered modules on all types of joy seeking activities, along my favourites, gardening and the powerful benefits of nature connection.
My working life has given me many paths to essentially the same thing: different ways of facilitating other people’s meaningful engagement with activity, whether through nature, music or all things creative.
When really, it has been the very thing I’d been craving to give back to myself.
I’ve been in the occupational therapy world for exactly 10 years now. Before that, I was naturally exploring its philosophy of meaningful engagement anyway! It’s funny how, when you find the very thing you have been looking for, you start to align with your purpose, and life can start to get a little easier.
So why the dragonfly?
Symbolism and the meaning we give to things are powerful ways to understand and make sense of the world. They can also be very personal. You’ll find many interpretations, cultural and spiritual beliefs around the meaning of the dragonfly, including resilience, transformation, change and the ease with which it can change direction, to name but a few.
For me, it feels like it sums up my story beautifully.
Finding my way through the fear of being seen for who I really am, has taken years of exploration, healing and courage. For years, I watched as repeated patterns of withdrawing developed. The cycle of my ideas and creativity being taken without acknowledgement; the battle between the ego and the hermit inside my mind.
The metaphorical ‘shrinking’ into the background, to avoid getting chewing gum stuck to you!
Then eventually, there arrives a point (at midlife, perhaps!) where the pain of staying the same outweighs the fear of being seen for who you really are. Where creative blocks and the fear of judgement become less significant than the desire to follow your own joy. Just like in the book of The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, like the horse, you begin to let people know you can fly.
You start to love yourself enough to give yourself permission. As you realise, this is it. Time is ticking. Life is not the rehearsal. And perhaps, you begin to turn some of that same therapeutic wisdom and encouragement you so readily offer to the people around you, back towards yourself.
You realise that you have everything you need, deep within yourself. Not that you have to do everything alone, or that finding your way through difficult times is easy. But that somewhere beneath the noise of fear, there is a part of you that you are able to return to again. To leave the waters and the world that have been holding you back and make your way towards the light.
The dragonfly is symbolic to me because of its very nature of transformation, as well as its sense of mysticism and wonder.
And that brings me to an encounter I had some time ago…
There is nothing quite like a walk in nature with my tribe of likeminded, heart opened friends. It is a tonic to the fast-paced rat race of modern life.
Slowly meandering through the dense pine tree forest, at each step, we take notice. We observe and celebrate the view, each pointing out the beauty surrounding us. From the tiny intricate moss carpeting the forest floor, to the miniature baby black frog, as he sits silently in stillness, waiting for us to pass. We pause to photograph the scene and take in the magnificent awe that nature offers.
The amazement of the many varieties, colours and shapes of the tips of the fungi, springing up through earth’s surface, indicating the deep underground system of wonder below. It's autumn, there's a cool breeze in the air, but the golden sunshine, and warmth of the laughter and friendship, is enough to balance us all. We chat, share, laugh and smile. Sharing, wonders, worries, wins and ways of being in the world.
As we approach a quiet pond, the sky mirrored in the glass like pool, brought us all to a quiet stop. We observed the stillness, we felt the water encourage us to take a moments precious pause, gazing into the ripples, to see the wonders beneath the surface.
Our unplanned silence was broken by a neon creature, who swooped into the silent scene, dancing and weaving in front of our eyes, diving and soaring through the air as if weaving magical ‘8’ patterns in the space above the pool. The acrobatics of this mythical creature, brought forth a sharing from one of the tribe…
“I actually didn’t think they were real when I was a child, until I saw one in real life” she said.
The majestic magical dragonfly, weaves and kisses the water’s surface, resting only momentarily before hovering again.
Isn't it amazing, how we take our reality through the physical senses, interpreting the waves of light that bounce back from physical form of the things that we can see and name. The shared ability to notice these vibrating atoms, the form created into bones and body, energy in motion, that we name… ‘dragonfly’
The Dragon Fly is a mythical creature!!!!
It navigates the world with 360-degree vision, able to manoeuvre its magical flight in all directions. They have witnessed earth transform over millennia, as it became home to the many dinosaurs, mammals of the past. The fossils of the ancient dragonfly, reveal that the wingspan took up space in the world, equal to a metre in length. Quite literally a dragon in flight.
Spending the majority of its life in an underwater world, it emerges only when it instinctively knows its ready, to make the climb upwards and out into something more, another world. Not fully knowing what will be there, but trusting the instinct, it climbs into a different realm that exists above the waters surface. It’s a new realm, but one that has been there the whole time, just above, in plain sight.
How does it know when it’s ready to climb up that nearby plant stem? What bravery does it need to let go of the depths of the deep and follow the light?
It is only when it has followed the nudge, the intuition to climb higher, it can leave its old suit behind. Climbing out of the old and embracing the new, stretching out its wings, to start a new chapter. Letting its neon light shine and taking flight to experience the freedom that comes with climbing higher.
Dragonfly is the mystical and magical, manifested in physical form, for us all to wonder!
And somewhere along the way, this little creature found its way into my music too. I wrote a song called Dragonfly, as Tycera. These words from the chorus feel especially close to what the dragonfly has come to mean to me:
And you know with the stillness comes
The strength you need before your flight
And you know with the darkness comes
A wisdom to find the light
I’ve learnt that strength can gather in the stillness, even when we cannot yet see what comes next. That darkness does not have to be the whole story. And that finding the courage to be seen doesn’t mean becoming someone else. It means allowing ourselves to not be afraid of showing up as our authentic selves. No matter who is chewing gum!
Not for fame, fortune, praise or acknowledgement, but for no other reason, than that it brings you joy.
What would you discover if you were not afraid to let your wings be seen?
What if the thing you find you love to give to others, is exactly the thing you are craving to give yourself?
Until next Sunday…
🌿 May you find inspiration in nature this week.
Tracey Anne x
